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the chatty naked man
I am a video editor and my job sometime requires me to work on location. A few weeks back, I was working on site at a country club in Palm Desert, CA. It had been a long day, and I was preparing to wrap things up so I could head home. I made a quick […]
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skinny dipping at mom's
My in-laws appear to be very reserved people and quite frankly they intimidate me. When my husband suggested last August that we skinny dip in broad daylight in the river behind his parents’ house, I was horrified. Their driveway winds past one of the bends in the river and I knew they could drive past at any moment. I wasn’t about to let them see my bare backside on our family vacation. However, after my husband stripped down, I finally consented on one condition: we walk upstream to a more secluded area. He agreed and instead of donning his clothes for the hike like I assumed he would, he began strolling along the river bank buck naked with nothing but his river shoes on. I followed him a safe 200 yards behind, hoping I could at least feign ignorance, forgetting I was carrying his clothes under my arm. We were almost safe around the river bend when I heard the sound that echoes terror in my mind to this day: a honking car horn. I whirled around to see my in-laws, who had paused in their driveway to wave at their wayward offspring. I stood there, dumbfounded, holding my husband’s clothes, and could not even bring myself to wave and possibly distract them from seeing their flasher son in the distance. After about a thousand suns rose and set, they drove on, having had their fill. I prayed with all that was in me that my husband had made it around the bend in the creek. To my horror, my husband was still standing there, sun gleaming off his winter white body. He told me his only response to his parents was to wave proudly over his shoulder as his strolled on! To make matters worse, he still wanted to swim. He figured the worst was over, his parents saw him. So he continued up the creek to the “abandoned” foreclosed home next door to skinny dip in the former neighbor’s share of their creek. Not a minute later I see him running full tilt toward me, naked as a jaybird, a look of glee and shock on his face. “There have realtors there! They’re showing the house!” It was one of the most awkward moments of my life facing his parents that night at dinner. Thankfully, they laughed it off. I would have thought we’d be ex-communicated! Next time my husband asks me to skinny dip, I’m waiting for twelve o’clock midnight. Brittany – Somewhere
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my roommate, the human torch
I had a roommate once who was paranoid about seeing other people naked. She requested that I inform her every time I was about to change my clothes, so she could turn her back. She was leaning over her dresser looking through her sock drawer when I said “I’m changing my clothes now”. I had just gotten completely nude and was about to put on some clothes when she let out a horrified scream. “I warned you not to look!” I cried indignantly. She began dancing up and down and shrieking some more. I began to feel offended. After all, I didn’t look THAT bad, naked. Then I noticed her hair had caught fire from some candles on her dresser. I quit being offended and ran to her rescue. –Okay, I just stood there laughing hysterically until she beat the flames out. What are roommates for? Rachel – NH
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skinny dipping
When I was a preteen I went skinny dipping with my older sister and a friend at the PUBLIC town boat dock in broad daylight. I felt safe as I was clutching my suit and a floating inner tube figuring that if anyone came I could slip into my suit without anyone being the wiser. A boat approached us and slowed as if to pull up to the dock. No problem, I’ll just duck into the tube and slip into my suit, I thought. Hmmm, I’d never tried to put on a wet suit with one arm before. It was an impossible task and the boat was drawing closer and closer. I shot out of the water and up the bank to hid behind some trees where I finally got that dang suit on but not before they saw my white tush streak up the bank I’m sure! I don’t think I’ve ever heard the end of that one and my skinny dipping days were over before they really even began. The boat wasn’t even stopping to dock, they had only slowed because they saw swimmers. Oh, my aching pride. Kate – NH