Awkward Memories | the funniest collection of awkward stories and embarrassing moments in the world ever! Seriously, these are painful. You are reading this. That makes you weird. Submit your own awkward memory to us.

in the spotlight

Almost 30 years ago I went to visit a LARGE Baptist church in Denver to glean from a Christian teacher there. On Sunday morning we went to her church which was the home of the LARGE Christian School where the teacher taught. They had a huge globe over the “stage” with lights wherever they had missionaries. The message was on the sin of unbelief. We were sitting near the back. I did not know anyone but my hostess. I was convicted. It took many verses of the closing hymn for me to walk the aisle. We filled out cards, and I transparently filled in my reason for coming forward. Suddenly there was a man in a very high pulpit, like a tower, saying “Sarah Starr Magness, have you come forward to repent of the sin of unbelief?” It may be my imagination, but his voice resembled the magnified voice of the wizard of oz. I learned at some point that these services were being broadcast. Oh,well. What could I say? “Yes.” After that, the memory screen goes black. And I wondered how many more verses it would have taken me to go down that aisle, had I known the procedure beforehand? Sarah – TX

January 16, 2010
the dead parrot

A couple years ago at a small party, we were watching funny YouTube videos. Someone mentioned the Monty Python “Dead Parrot” sketch, so I started loading the video. Two friends of ours arrived a little late, the video loaded, I started the video…awkward silence. Everyone started looking other directions and whispering. Then suddenly, the girl who had just arrived burst into tears and left the apartment, her husband following. It was then that the hosts chose to explain to me that the couple’s pet sugar glider had died earlier that day. The breaking point was when the stiff, dead parrot was being banged on the counter. The sugar glider had been stiff when they found her. Awkward! Rose – Dallas, TX

January 16, 2010
how's that schizophrenia going?

When I was about 15 I ran into a family friend who was a few years older than me at a youth function. She had recently gone through a rough time with being diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and possibly schizophrenia. This was on the down low and I only knew because my mother is her mother’s best friend. I stopped to say hello to her. I believe another person was standing with us. I, not being so big on small talk, jumped right in to asking, “so how’s the schizophrenic thing going?” … Awkward silence as she thought through being mortified that I knew AND that I brought it up. She said, “Oh it’s…fine.” Oblivious to the damage that I had done we awkwardly finished the conversation and left. Two days later my mother came to me and told me that the girl’s mom had called her. She said that that night she came home crying uncontrollably about what I had said and was horribly offended. I wrote an apology letter and gave it to her the next time I saw her. She forgave me eventually. Lucy – OK

January 16, 2010
sir, that's the ladies' room

I worked as a waiter in a T.G.I.Friday’s for a short time. The clientele was far from my particular cultural comfort zone, so I already felt out of place and awkward most nights. One night I was walking to one of my tables and I saw a young man about to walk into the ladies’ room. Being the kind person that I was, I stopped him. “Sir, that’s the women’s restroom. The men’s is right around the corner there.” Then my heart sunk. The man suddenly became a woman and stared at me as if I were trash and walked into the ladies’ room. There was no recovering. I just went back to the kitchen and prayed I wouldn’t have to see her again. Then I was told that I had a new table. I walked out to it, and there she was ready to give me one more hard stare. I managed to get them food and out the door, but it wasn’t easy. I suppose if I had been a little older and wiser I might have had a friend take the table. micah the admin

January 16, 2010