-
where does the poop go?
I was fourteen years old and babysitting a toddler for a couple hours at his parents’ cabin. We had a wonderful time playing games and eating animal crackers. Right before his parents were due to return, he filled up his cloth diaper. I started to change him when I ran into a little problem: what […]
-
i lost the company car
A couple years ago, I worked at a group home for the severely mentally ill. It was a great job, but I had to juggle so many duties that I sometimes forgot little things, like where I left the company car. My shift was three days and two nights. On the second evening, I drove […]
-
your dad is in the hospital
-
mistaken identity
I saw a little girl in a store once who looked a lot like my sister, Kate, did at age five. Without even thinking about it, I patted her on the top of her head and said: “Hi, Katie!”. I nearly yelled when she turned around and wasn’t my sister. To make things even weirder, my sister hadn’t been five in quite some time, say, ten years! The little girl was perfectly fine with the case of mistaken identity. Her mother, on the other hand, looked at me rather askance, especially when I tried to explain that I’d mistaken her daughter for my little sister who was now fifteen! Rachel – NH
-
praying at the drive thru
I was on my way to work and my usual custom was to pray on my way. I was pretty into it as it was a good 20 minute drive to my workplace. On a whim I decided to get a cup of coffee at McDonalds drive thru when I sped up to the microphone […]
-
snoozin' on the toilet
I was living in a dorm, sharing a room with several other girls. Some of them would come in late at night and leave things strewn about that I would trip over on my way to the bathroom, so I bought a small lamp to light my way. One night when I woke up and switched the lamp on, one of the girls sleepily complained that it was too bright. Thinking I’d be back in a jiffy, I hastily dimmed the light by sticking it under my pillow. That way I could still see, but wouldn’t offend anybody. I went to the bathroom, but instead of going back to my room, I dozed off on the toilet seat! I awoke to the sound of a fire alarm and the smell of burning polyester fiberfill. I ran back to my room, from which smoke was pouring. My roommates were wide awake and very angry, my pillow had a hole burnt through it, and my lamp was, of course, ruined. Rachel – NH
-
bad aunty
A couple of months ago I was took my little nephew to his swimming class(he’s 5), we did the hour swimming and then came out to the changing rooms, when I was getting him dried and dressed I noticed a quite long scratch on his shin, of course the changing room was full being the weekend and I made the mistake of asking him what happened….he said quite loudly ‘You did it’ in a really matter of fact voice, feeling a little embarassed I said ‘No I didn’t sweetie’ ….he must have been having a bad day because all of a sudden he stands up on the slatted bench and says REALLY loudly….’YES YOU DID! DON’T LIE, YOU DID IT FRUFRU(his petname for me) AND GOD KNOWS WHEN YOU’RE LYING SO DON’T LIE!!!’ ….EVERYONE in the changing rooms is just, kind of blankly staring at me like I’m the worst in the world and he’s sitting with his little ams folded and lip sticking out swinging his legs, I was positive it wasn’t me but I was so mortified I was just like…oh right ok, sorry, lets go…..it turns out that I had been wearing a pearl ring in the pool and the pearl had fallen off so the clasp had scratched his leg by accident, I felt so bad but totally worse with the berating he gave me! Tanya – Belfast
-
is that the biggest we have?!
I work as a nurse at a hospital and was required to take a class on some new equipment we were going to start using to move immobile patients. Part of the class involved us as a class using the equipment on each other. One of the machines was something we use to lift patients off the floor if they happen to fall, or to lift them off a bed and put them in a chair or another bed when needed. It has several different sizes of slings that you strap someone in and then hook to the machine which then lifts them. A somewhat plump woman was our fake patient, and we were using the sling we thought most appropriate for her size to lift her off the ground with. It ended up being kind of snug on her, and I said (loudly, of course), “If that’s the biggest sling we have, we’re in trouble!” Approximately 5.32 seconds later, I heard my words echoing in the empty cavern that is my head. Somehow, I had thought I was complementing her before I said it, because you see, we get tons of patients who are bigger than her, and if that was the largest size….we are indeed in trouble. But, that’s not how it sounded when I mindlessly spat the words out. I tried to cover it up later by saying….”So many of our patients are so big, and that sling won’t be big enough……” Yeah. Nice try, numb skull. Amanda – SC
-
getting him branded
Late one afternoon a young guy and girl came in for their appointment, he was getting his leg done under her command with roman numerals, MASSIVE roman numerals circling right around the top of his calf. She was sitting chatting away with her friend and he was in the middle of his tattoo when I dandered over. She’d just told a story about how they met, and that the roman numerals were the date of when they first started going out, suddenly I worked out that the roman numeral date was ONLY about five months prior to the day we were on. With no mission to stop my mouth before engaging it I blurted out, “Wow! Five months – you didn’t waste anytime getting him branded…..” She just looked at me. There was nothing, just an icy stare. I was like, “I mean, ummm, that’s …..like, so sweet….that you guys are like ummm….so sure of yourselves that you’re getting that ….tattooed, so huge, right around his leg, really big……nice.” 😀 Tanya – Belfast