Awkward Memories | the funniest collection of awkward stories and embarrassing moments in the world ever! Seriously, these are painful. You are reading this. That makes you weird. Submit your own awkward memory to us.

Category: hello. my name is awkward

  • the car alarm

    So yesterday I went to get something out of my car. The window was down but the door was locked. (dumb move #1) So I reached into unlock the door. As soon as I did, the car alarm started to go off. It was then I noticed the 20 people across the street having a BBQ. To my horror they all watched on as I ran in and out of the house no less than 5 times. I couldn’t find my keys and I had no idea how to shut the alarm off. I looked every where in my car and in my purse – the alarm going off the whole time for about 5 minutes. And where did I find the keys to end my humiliation? In the front door, right where I had left them after coming home from church with an arm full of grocery bags! (dumb move #2) Missie – WI

  • lime green renault

    I was 19 and spending a year in Germany as an au pair. I was having a great time and seldom missed my family back in the USA (or so I thought). One day I was at a park in Munich with the kids I watched, when a lime green renault drove by – just like the one my parents drove in NH. I started waving my arms frantically and yelling, “Mom! Dad! Wait for me!” Oops…wrong car, wrong continent. Yeah, I looked dumb. Laurel – NH

  • the bag of hair

    Several months after 9/11 I was in the Atlanta airport. I was “randomly selected” to have my bags extra searched. I guess I looked a little like a terrorist. To add to this luck, the two people assigned to search my bags were women [Insert the obvious stereotypes of women cops here]. My bags were over-stuffed, and the zippers were bulging. I cringed as they took things out of their crammed locations knowing that they would never get it all back in. I thought for sure that I had nothing bad in there, but I didn’t account for culture differences. One lady pulled out my nag champa incense and asked what is was with incredible attitude. I explained that it smelled good, and she confiscated it. She found matches and took them. She found laundry detergent and took it. Our friendship was on the fritz. Then it happened. She pulled out a small ziploc and my heart sunk. It was full of my recently chopped off hair and affectionately labeled “Junior”. She looked at me like I was the filthiest criminal to ever live and with much more attitude and confusion than before she loudly asked, “What is this?” I tried weakly to explain why it was funny to me and my friends. She let me keep it. I didn’t recover my dignity. Micah the Admin

  • ryan seacrest awkward moment

    Ryan Seacrest causes an awkward moment with a blind guy.

  • bush doesn't care about black people

    Kanye West makes another embarrassing and awkward blunder. I feel sorry for Mike Meyers having to be associated with him.

  • don't take too many!

    This unfolded at a high school trades school in South Carolina. A pretty good friend of mine had recently tried to harm herself with taking too many pills. She survived the attempt. A week or so goes by and me and my friend were hanging out in a break period between classes. She was complaining of a severe headache. A little context – we are in pre-nursing classes. So I’m thinking medication safety. I put my huge metatarsals in my la boca… translation… foot in mouth. I truly didn’t mean to say what I was about to say. Sincerely, I said, “Take a tylenol, but don’t take too many.” Her face turned bright red. She turned away from me, and to this day I have not talked with her. I could have killed myself… I mean. Nah… I really regret losing a good friend. Nat Hans – TX

  • how's that schizophrenia going?

    When I was about 15 I ran into a family friend who was a few years older than me at a youth function. She had recently gone through a rough time with being diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and possibly schizophrenia. This was on the down low and I only knew because my mother is her mother’s best friend. I stopped to say hello to her. I believe another person was standing with us. I, not being so big on small talk, jumped right in to asking, “so how’s the schizophrenic thing going?” … Awkward silence as she thought through being mortified that I knew AND that I brought it up. She said, “Oh it’s…fine.” Oblivious to the damage that I had done we awkwardly finished the conversation and left. Two days later my mother came to me and told me that the girl’s mom had called her. She said that that night she came home crying uncontrollably about what I had said and was horribly offended. I wrote an apology letter and gave it to her the next time I saw her. She forgave me eventually. Lucy – OK