Category: foot in mouth

  • christmas magic

    I was window shopping in a crowded downtown a few days after Christmas with one of my girlfriends. The streets were still decorated with Christmas lights and wreaths, everyone was in a good mood because of the sales, and there was snow on the ground. Suddenly I saw what I thought at first must be a mirage: It was a tiny old man, smaller than most midgets. He had a long gray beard that flowed over his round belly, and–get this–he was wearing a green and red jogging suit with matching red earmuffs. Even though I was 29 and had been raised without believing in Santa, for one magical moment I was convinced he was one of Santa’s elves on vacation after the busy Christmas season. I pointed, loudly crying “Look! An elf!” before starting down the street after him. The tiny man took one terrified look at me and bolted across the street, disappearing into a crowd of shoppers. Everyone was looking at me like I was absolutely nuts, and my friend was embarrassed. I felt really bad for frightening the poor guy, but I still maintain that if you are tiny and look like an elf, you really have no business deceiving the childlike at heart by wearing red and green around the holidays. Rachel – NH

  • little person

    This story takes place a few years ago, when I was attending university. Me and my friend had just had our lunchbreak. On our way to the next class, we were going down a long hallway. In the distance appeared a girl we both knew. She was accompanied by a small person. In my spontaneity I bursted out: “Susan, I didn’t know you were a mother!” As we got closer to them, my smile turned into a grimace. The little person was not a kid, but a midget. “What did you say?”, was Susans response. I didn’t respond. I did’t look at them either. As fast as I could, I passed them. My friend laughed till he cried. It took me a while to join him. Martijn – Holland

  • i'm adopted

    In high school I was very quick to talk and slow to think. Once, I was riding in a car with friends, and we started talking about adoptions. I came up with the not-so-brilliant idea that adopted children could never have the same level of relationship with their parents as biological children. I said this with full confidence and began to argue with my friends. One girl, Megan, was especially fierce in her argument with me. I repeated my points and supporting ideas, talking louder and faster. And then it happened. Megan said, “Micah, I’m adopted!” Then we went silent. And yes, it was an awkward silence. A man with a theory is always at the mercy of a man with an experience. I was wrong. Micah the Admin

  • don't take too many!

    This unfolded at a high school trades school in South Carolina. A pretty good friend of mine had recently tried to harm herself with taking too many pills. She survived the attempt. A week or so goes by and me and my friend were hanging out in a break period between classes. She was complaining of a severe headache. A little context – we are in pre-nursing classes. So I’m thinking medication safety. I put my huge metatarsals in my la boca… translation… foot in mouth. I truly didn’t mean to say what I was about to say. Sincerely, I said, “Take a tylenol, but don’t take too many.” Her face turned bright red. She turned away from me, and to this day I have not talked with her. I could have killed myself… I mean. Nah… I really regret losing a good friend. Nat Hans – TX

  • made you look

    Long, long ago, some time in elementary school, I was walking home from school with my friend Rachel Smith and her older brothers. It was back in the day when it was popular to trick people by pointing at something and then immediately saying “made you look!” after they looked to see what you were pointing at. That day, I decided to impress everyone with my wit and charm by pulling this clever trick on them. I decided that I was going to point at the next car that drove by us and say “Hey, that’s Bob Jones!” (a man who went to our church and was a close friend to the Smith family). As soon as the next car drove by I mistakenly yelled out “Hey, that’s Bob Smith! Made you look!” No one was laughing, and then my heart sank. I realized that not only had I said the wrong name, I said the name of their dad who had passed away just the year before! Emily – Los Angeles, CA