Awkward Memories | the funniest collection of awkward stories and embarrassing moments in the world ever! Seriously, these are painful. You are reading this. That makes you weird. Submit your own awkward memory to us.

Category: foot in mouth

  • a baby is a good thing

    My sister and I were walking through town one day and we bumped into our cousin, we don’t see her often and hadn’t seen for a few months so we were all ‘Hi! Hi! How are you?? What’s happening??’ ….she lives a bit away and is married with two kids, she says to us ‘Oh I’m pregnant again’….in a disastrous split second analysation of the situation, based on her tone of voice & body language somehow, SOMEHOW, I conclude that this is not a good thing and before my lovely sister can say congratulations….I go ‘Oh no, poor you’ with this real unfortunate face and then watch myself in an out of body experience, reach forward and rub her arm sympathetically!!!!!! Ah…hahaha….oh dear SO embarrassing, she sort of went with it and was like ‘Yeah, I know’ but what the hell…she was NOT unhappy about being pregnant or having her baby! I should not be allowed near people. O_O Tanya – Belfast

  • getting him branded

    Late one afternoon a young guy and girl came in for their appointment, he was getting his leg done under her command with roman numerals, MASSIVE roman numerals circling right around the top of his calf. She was sitting chatting away with her friend and he was in the middle of his tattoo when I dandered over. She’d just told a story about how they met, and that the roman numerals were the date of when they first started going out, suddenly I worked out that the roman numeral date was ONLY about five months prior to the day we were on. With no mission to stop my mouth before engaging it I blurted out, “Wow! Five months – you didn’t waste anytime getting him branded…..” She just looked at me. There was nothing, just an icy stare. I was like, “I mean, ummm, that’s …..like, so sweet….that you guys are like ummm….so sure of yourselves that you’re getting that ….tattooed, so huge, right around his leg, really big……nice.” 😀 Tanya – Belfast

  • stop talking brain

    I was a few months into my tattoo apprenticeship and a guy came in to get his arm touched up, I’m not into body modification or piercing or anything I just love art and tattoos so he pulled up his sleeve and he had this huge lumpy growth thing under the skin on his forearm…. I had been reading about dermal implants earlier and for some reason thought that that’s what this was so I started talking about it and he was like ‘No, no it’s dead veins that have swollen in my arm’ subject closed? No, I proceed to start quizzing him on them, can you tattoo over them? He’s like, no they’re sore even to touch…..can you get rid of them?….no there’s no treatment apart from injecting acid which could burn through my skin…..how did you get them? He’s like oh I hurt my arm in training …..but for some reason every time he answered I would say ‘Wow, cool’ even though it was so not cool it wasn’t even funny….then to top it off to try and make amends for all my stupidity I say….wow well, it looks cool, like you’ve got a gun under there, you’re like cyborg vein guy! Kapow Kapow….:D he was so nice he just politely laughed and I found something really important I had to do somewhere away from his chair….. Tanya – Belfast

  • the restaurant

    Years ago, I went out to eat with my parents, my husband, brother-in-law and sister. I don’t remember the occasion, but the experience is forever branded in my mind.  The waitress came to our table and did her schpeal about the lunch special and “what would we like to drink?”  One of her “flair” pieces […]

  • so much for my authority

    I worked in a drug rehab center for teenagers. I was new and only 21 years old, so it was a constant battle in the beginning to establish myself as someone to be obeyed. I had begun cracking down on bad behavior. One of our policies was that the patients could not have caffeinated coffee. I saw a girl at the coffee machine, and I knew she was getting the real stuff. I had finally caught her! She was a constant nuisance to me and the rest of the staff, and she was very sneaky. I, Micah, had caught her in the act. I yelled across the cafeteria, “Elaine! Put that back! I saw you get the regular coffee!” “I didn’t…” she began, but I cut her off. “Yes, you did. I watched you. Now, put it back!” “It’s decaf.” Then I remembered. The orange one was decaf, and I was an idiot who had just lost more authority in those sneaky little teenage minds. micah the admin

  • what, are you deaf?

    It was one of my first thanksgivings with my family in New Hampshire. I didn’t really know anyone, but I was trying to get to know people. Now, when I talk to someone, I really hate repeating myself. It’s just annoying to me. I can’t remember the topic but I was trying to tell one of the guests something. She just kept asking me “what?” or “huh?” I’m generally okay with a repeat once, but five or six times, I’ll just walk away. I was trying to be polite but I couldn’t take it anymore. I asked, “What, are you deaf?” Thankfully, she didn’t hear that because later I was pulled aside and was told quietly, “She IS really deaf –just thought you should know.” Oops. Carl – NH

  • rigor mortis

    I was taking a long drive with a few friends. We stopped at a gas station for drinks and bathroom. While we were getting back into the car my friend and I were rough housing. A girl behind us said, “You guys are gonna die!” This girl had just told us the day before that her mother had died through tragic circumstances. My friend replied quickly with an age old joke. “Your mom’s gonna die!” I didn’t see his face. I wish I had. Instead, I tried to top him. I said, “Yeah! She’s already dead, and rigor mortis is setting in!” Immediately I remembered about her mom and saw my friend’s face. He was terrified. I looked away from her as fast as possible, put my headphones on and avoided eye contact with her for the rest of the trip. I felt like a monster, and I still don’t like thinking about it. David – TN

  • who was that jerk?

    I stopped at a gas station with two friends to get some coffee. While we were getting creamer and lids this dirty guy walked in. Both of my friends knew the guy but didn’t bother to introduce me. My jaw dropped as I watched this guy get his coffee. He was loud and laughing about non-interesting stuff. As he poured his coffee it sloshed all over the counter and some on the floor. He didn’t clean it up. He poured cream, it sloshed on the counter. He added sugar, it spilled on the counter and the floor. Then as he took the cup away it spilled a little more. He left in the same loud huff. I was not used to this. When we got into the car the first words out of my mouth were, “Who was that jerk?” My friend, who was driving, turned and said, “That is my brother.” I didn’t even try to recover. Micah the Admin

  • the shack

    I was always very awkward socially, so many of my interactions with peers were, well… awkward. I remember riding home with a group of girls after some school function (I was about 12), and there was an older girl who I didn’t know very well. To make conversation, I said, “I can’t wait to see where you live. My brother says you live in a tar paper shack, but I’m sure you live in a really nice house.” As we pulled up to her home, I realized my brother wasn’t joking. And that was awkward – especially for that poor girl! Laurel – NH

  • the racist

    During a summer break in high school, I took a trip with some friends. While we were in the airport waiting to board our flight, a couple of my friends started picking on me and another kid for being so white and pale. Both of us happened to be the type of people who couldn’t ever get a tan, no matter how hard we tried. I was pretty touchy about this feature of mine, so I tried to say something that would boost my self-confidence and make it look like I wasn’t bothered by them pointing out how pasty I was. I raised my fist high in the air and yelled out the first thing that came to mind,”White people rule!” As soon as I said it, I knew it was a poor choice of words. I also realized that several people at the gate had heard my exclamation and were now staring at me. I wanted to die. What was meant to be a quick comeback made me look like a racist jerk. Emily – CA