For as long as I can remember I have hated the word fiancee, so when my boyfriend and I got engaged I would never use it it just always sounded too frooffy or something and after we’d been going out so long I hated saying boyfriend because it made me feel like a little kid or something….so I got into the habit of calling him my partner which also felt weird so I eventually just started calling him my husband. I started driving lessons one day and as we were driving around I was chatting to the instructor, just small talk but I said something like ‘Oh yes my husband and I go there/went there…’ or some such thing, instead of the conversation moving on he becomes really interested in the fact I am “married” and asks me ‘oh when did you get wed?’ ….in a split second I weigh up the situation and instead of saying oh we’re not married yet I just call him that, I blurt out oh about seven noths ago(!!!!?????), does he drop it……NO. Oh where did you get married? I’m like oh emm….we got married in (aaaaahhhh what I am thinking!?) Spain, it was very small, intimate……(oh God please, PLEASE stop asking me about my imaginary wedding!!)…..then he says – What did you wear??!!! – What the hell…what did I wear!! Why is this fifty year old driving instructor asking me what I wore to my non-existant wedding??? It’s too late to go back now so I’m like oh just a lovely dress, a vintage lace dress, it was very nice….dah dah, dah. So ok, I’m rationalising this, it’s a bad situation but he’s just my driving instructor it’s not like he knows me or knows I’m a completely insane wedding fabricator!! …..but of course, what do you know….he then asks me what my boyfriend does, I tell him, he asks his name, I tell him!!!…..and LO AND BEHOLD….he says…’Oh yes, I know him, my friend So-andso goes ski-ing with him(WHY!!?? WHY!!??)….I’m fully freaking out now I’m like oh yeah? Really – wow….cool! The next week he comes and picks me up for the next lesson and starts talking about my boyfriend, his friend etc. I can’t hold out any longer with the fear of him finding out so I pull over the car and I’m like, listen William, I’ve got something to tell you….and I fess up to the whole ridiculous lie going way out of control….he is absolutely laughing his head off, he thinks this is hilarious and assures me that it’s no big deal….I on the other hand go home analysing my very psyche and tell my boyfriend who’s like….oh for God sake not again, you told the ambulance drivers when your scooter crashed(I had crashed my lovely purple vespa about five months prior) that I was your husband and when I arrived they asked me ‘Are you her husband?’ and I said ‘No I’m her boyfriend’………..people are going to start thinking you’re unstable!
Oh my goodness I swear – I *really* hope I’m not the only one who does crazy stuff like this….O_o
Tanya – Belfast