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don't jump!
Apr 14th, 2010 by micah the admin

When I was a teenager, I really wanted to jump off the Orford-Fairlee Bridge into the river, but my mother talked me out of it.  “It’s too high and you could break your neck,” she said.  “Besides, there could be old bridge posts you could land on.”

Shortly thereafter, I was just about to take a walk across the bridge when I saw about a dozen young (and handsome) guys standing on the other side of the rail, about to jump.  Eager to save their lives, I began running as fast as I could,  yelling: “Don’t jump!  Don’t jump!  You could die!”

They politely refrained from jumping until I reached them.  Grinning, one of them asked me why he shouldn’t jump.  I repeated what my mother had said.  Trying valiantly not to laugh, the guys told me they’d already jumped off the bridge several times and it was perfectly safe.  A hot blush flooded my face, but I tried to play it cool.  “Oh, carry on then,” I said.  I was almost out of earshot when they burst into guffaws.

The moral of this story is: Don’t listen to your mother.

Rachel – NH

skinny dipping at mom's
Apr 12th, 2010 by micah the admin

My in-laws appear to be very reserved people and quite frankly they intimidate me. When my husband suggested last August that we skinny dip in broad daylight in the river behind his parents’ house, I was horrified. Their driveway winds past one of the bends in the river and I knew they could drive past at any moment. I wasn’t about to let them see my bare backside on our family vacation. However, after my husband stripped down, I finally consented on one condition: we walk upstream to a more secluded area. He agreed and instead of donning his clothes for the hike like I assumed he would, he began strolling along the river bank buck naked with nothing but his river shoes on.
I followed him a safe 200 yards behind, hoping I could at least feign ignorance, forgetting I was carrying his clothes under my arm. We were almost safe around the river bend when I heard the sound that echoes terror in my mind to this day: a honking car horn. I whirled around to see my in-laws, who had paused in their driveway to wave at their wayward offspring. I stood there, dumbfounded, holding my husband’s clothes, and could not even bring myself to wave and possibly distract them from seeing their flasher son in the distance.
After about a thousand suns rose and set, they drove on, having had their fill. I prayed with all that was in me that my husband had made it around the bend in the creek. To my horror, my husband was still standing there, sun gleaming off his winter white body. He told me his only response to his parents was to wave proudly over his shoulder as his strolled on! To make matters worse, he still wanted to swim. He figured the worst was over, his parents saw him. So he continued up the creek to the “abandoned” foreclosed home next door to skinny dip in the former neighbor’s share of their creek. Not a minute later I see him running full tilt toward me, naked as a jaybird, a look of glee and shock on his face. “There have realtors there! They’re showing the house!”
It was one of the most awkward moments of my life facing his parents that night at dinner. Thankfully, they laughed it off. I would have thought we’d be ex-communicated! Next time my husband asks me to skinny dip, I’m waiting for twelve o’clock midnight.

Brittany – Somewhere

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