SIDEBAR
»
S
I
D
E
B
A
R
«
so, how many?
Apr 5th, 2010 by beth the other admin

I was just starting to feel attractive again, seven weeks after giving birth to my son.  Today I put on an outfit that I thought was slimming and headed out to the fabric store.  I told the young man measuring out my fabric that I was going to make a baby sling.

“So, how many?” he asked, smiling interestedly.

“One and a half yards,” I replied.

“No, how many?” he asked again.

“Baby slings?” I asked confusedly.  “One.”

“No, I mean, how many?” and he patted his tummy several times to indicate he was asking me how many babies I was pregnant with.

Trying not to blush, I told him I’d already HAD a baby seven weeks ago.  He did blush (as well he might) and tried frantically to change the subject.  It was painfully awkward for both of us.  Not only had he thought I was pregnant, he thought I was having multiples!

I consoled myself with a chocolate bar and thoughts of lying in wait for him with a baseball bat after his shift ended.

Rachel – NH

it's not your baby
Jan 21st, 2010 by micah the admin

I was at a busy donut shop having coffee with an elderly, mentally ill acquaintance. Her latest delusional thinking was that she was pregnant, and she was telling me all about it, loudly and in great detail (we were getting a lot of attention at that point). I was gently trying to assure her that she was not pregnant. She was well past child bearing years. She grew more and more adamant and began to shout, “No! I am pregnant! I am pregnant! The doctor told me I am!” Then she leaned across the booth, and in a stage whisper announced, “But don’t worry, Jon… it’s not yours!”

Jon – Somewhere

when are you due?
Jan 19th, 2010 by micah the admin

Years ago, I was with my dad at a banquet. We were talking to a mom of one of my friends. I was thoroughly enjoying the conversation until my dad asked a question that one should never ask a woman unless he is already aware of her condition. He said, “When are you due? I didn’t know you were expecting!”
My friend’s mom kindly replied, “I’m not.”

Emily –  Los Angeles, CA

»  Substance:WordPress   »  Style:Ahren Ahimsa