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rubber on the toilet
Jul 30th, 2010 by micah the admin

I was only 11 years old when my family moved to the United States from Ghana [West Africa].
Ghana being a British Commonwealth country I had spoken English all my life with no difficulty. However, moving to America was a challenge as I had trouble getting used to all the slang and such. It made conversations hard at times because I didn’t want to look like an idiot by always asking what this and that meant.
Anyways, after I had been in the US for less than a year, summer came along and I did what most American kids do during that time – I went to a summer camp. With my youth group specifically. An eye-opening experience it was for me in many a ways. Naturally, a war of pranks begun, sometimes it was between cabin members, other times a battle of the sexes. Being new to this whole scene, I didn’t know to what extent some of these pranks could go to, they escalated during the week and actually some pretty bad ones happened but this particular one wasn’t so bad just exaggerated by my naivette … I went to the bathroom to pee and soon realized that my pee wasn’t hitting the porcelain, I stood there in confusion for a while, lifted the toilet seat and to my surprise found a clear plastic placed neatly over it. I run back into the cabin yelling “someone put a rubber on the toilet!” x 3 The youth pastor heard about this and was furious, gathered all his little junior high boys together in one cabin and was angrily questioning them, trying to find out who would do such a despicable thing, I became even more confused at that point not understanding why he would be so seemingly mad about a prank of that degree when worse ones had been going on. Later on, someone came in from the bathroom and said all he found there was a saran wrap with my pee dead center, at this point everyone started laughing. I became even more confused. My youth pastor had to explain to me exactly what “rubber” implied in that context. My confusion turned to embarrasment. Said returnee then shouted through his laughter “hey, at least it wasn’t poop”…

Frank – Ghana

where does the poop go?
Jul 28th, 2010 by micah the admin

I was fourteen years old and babysitting a toddler for a couple hours at his parents’ cabin. We had a wonderful time playing games and eating animal crackers. Right before his parents were due to return, he filled up his cloth diaper. I started to change him when I ran into a little problem: what to do with all the poop? You see, all the babies I’d previously sat for had disposable diapers. All I’d had to do was wad up the dirty diapers and toss them in the trash. I knew I couldn’t toss the cloth diaper, but I didn’t think I should put all that poop in the clothes hamper, either.

I knew the answer was right in front of me, but I had a major brain cramp. Where…did…the…poop…go? My mind froze and I panicked. The child’s parents would be arriving home any second. They must never, never know I didn’t understand this basic thing about child care, or they would laugh at me and never hire me again. After a few minutes of frantically racking my brain while the toddler ran around the kitchen, sans pants, I decided to try to think it through from another angle. “Where do we put food that we don’t want anymore?” I asked myself. “Aha! The garbage disposal!”

Feeling vaguely that it was wrong, but not knowing any other options, I emptied the diaper’s contents into the sink and, with a spoon, scooted the poop toward the drain. Feeling relieved that my ordeal was almost over, I hunted around for the garbage disposal switch. There wasn’t one; I had just clogged the drainpipe. At that instant, I had an epiphany: “The toddler’s poop goes in the toilet, you IDIOT! The same place YOUR poop goes!”

Crimson with shame at the extent of my spaciness, and mortified at what I had done, I hastily poured half a can of AJAX down the drain, and ran the water. I kept one eye on the clock, and one eye on the child as I frantically mashed down the remnants of poop that kept bobbing back up. I had just washed the spoon and scrubbed the sink for the hundredth time when the parents came home. I guiltily accepted their money and told them about our afternoon, omitting, of course, the diaper drama.

Apparently they never had any problems with their sink, because they asked me to babysit many times after that. I gladly did, being very careful from that point on to put human excrement in it’s proper receptacle.

The End.

Rachel – NH

the goodness inside
Apr 8th, 2010 by micah the admin

Hahaha….oh dear I can nearly not write this I’m laughing so hard. When I very first started dating my boyfriend, in the first month he came to visit my house. I worked really long hours so I don’t mean to make excuses, but housekeeping was not my forte. I knew he was coming back that night, and I had a massive pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Desperate, I lifted them all and put them into a plastic laundry box and covered them with a bath towel and ran out to work. Later that night we came back home and were sitting in the living room. I had a miniature rabbit and would let it run about in the house sometimes. Somehow the rabbit had deposited a pile of little pellets(as they do) on the table beside him(it was level with the sofa and it would jump about on the chair when I was sitting there. It must have happened earlier that day when I was drying my hair, and I hadn’t noticed) So we’re sitting there with glasses of wine and he’s in the middle of talking when he suddenly stops and says, “Is that rabbit poop on your table?”
I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to literally spontaneously combust. He’s like “Oh my God” in this incredulous tone and gets up to go wash his hands in the kitchen. Now this would have been cool if I had just let him wash his hands, but in a panic about the hidden dishes I jump up and shout “Please don’t go in the kitchen!” He stops dead and looks puzzled/amused so I jump in front of him (he can’t see rabbit poop and hidden dirty dishes in the same night) But me being about eight stone and him being about 18 stone he marches on into the kitchen. I’m fully freaking out at this point. He’s finding it quite amusing trying to figure out what I’m hiding, and he spots the plastic box. I watch in horror as he lifts the towel with a thumb and forefinger to reveal the mountain of dirty pots, pans and plates…..I almost cry with embarrassment, and he starts laughing and gives me a hug. We’ve been togther for seven years now and I am just as messy, he says that’s ok because I’m so good inside!! 😀 LoL

Tanya – Belfast

poop happens
Feb 21st, 2010 by micah the admin

I own a children’s clothing store. One day a mom kept sniffing around her toddler, and said the obvious thing, “I think you have a poopy diaper.” When she went to check this situation further, she discovered no poop was in the diaper. “Must have just been gas.” My next customer in that area of the store said, “There seems to be some poop or something under this rack.” Yep, there it was! Helpful tip: make sure your kid’s diapers are snug and secure before going out in public, because the alternative makes ME look bad.

Laurel – NH

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