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should i take this personally
Oct 17th, 2010 by micah the admin

My husband was a groomsman in our friends’ wedding. He was paired up with the bride’s cousin to walk down the aisle. At the wedding rehearsal, I was sitting next to my husband and the bride’s grandfather came over to talk with him.

Grandpa said, “So, I see you’re walking up with my granddaughter, Stacy.” Then he pointed to me and said, “She’s nice, but… STACY is beautiful!” He continued on to talk all about Stacy and how wonderful she was.

So I sat there and thought to myself, “WHAT?? Did he just insult me??…to my FACE??? Not only is he implying that I’m less attractive than his granddaughter, he’s trying to set my husband up with her!”

My husband kindly replied, “This is my wife and I think she’s amazing!”

This shocked grandpa and he said, “What?! You married a CHILD?”

A child?…Really?… Okay, besides the fact that I’m a little touchy about being mistaken for a 13 year old (which happens ALL the time), I was a quite peeved due to the fact that I was older than his granddaughter who was getting married, older than Stacy whom he wanted to set my husband up with…and most likely older than him and his wife when they got married.

El Fin – Somewhere

skinny dipping at mom's
Apr 12th, 2010 by micah the admin

My in-laws appear to be very reserved people and quite frankly they intimidate me. When my husband suggested last August that we skinny dip in broad daylight in the river behind his parents’ house, I was horrified. Their driveway winds past one of the bends in the river and I knew they could drive past at any moment. I wasn’t about to let them see my bare backside on our family vacation. However, after my husband stripped down, I finally consented on one condition: we walk upstream to a more secluded area. He agreed and instead of donning his clothes for the hike like I assumed he would, he began strolling along the river bank buck naked with nothing but his river shoes on.
I followed him a safe 200 yards behind, hoping I could at least feign ignorance, forgetting I was carrying his clothes under my arm. We were almost safe around the river bend when I heard the sound that echoes terror in my mind to this day: a honking car horn. I whirled around to see my in-laws, who had paused in their driveway to wave at their wayward offspring. I stood there, dumbfounded, holding my husband’s clothes, and could not even bring myself to wave and possibly distract them from seeing their flasher son in the distance.
After about a thousand suns rose and set, they drove on, having had their fill. I prayed with all that was in me that my husband had made it around the bend in the creek. To my horror, my husband was still standing there, sun gleaming off his winter white body. He told me his only response to his parents was to wave proudly over his shoulder as his strolled on! To make matters worse, he still wanted to swim. He figured the worst was over, his parents saw him. So he continued up the creek to the “abandoned” foreclosed home next door to skinny dip in the former neighbor’s share of their creek. Not a minute later I see him running full tilt toward me, naked as a jaybird, a look of glee and shock on his face. “There have realtors there! They’re showing the house!”
It was one of the most awkward moments of my life facing his parents that night at dinner. Thankfully, they laughed it off. I would have thought we’d be ex-communicated! Next time my husband asks me to skinny dip, I’m waiting for twelve o’clock midnight.

Brittany – Somewhere

twin booties
Apr 9th, 2010 by beth the other admin

This happened years ago, and writing about it now I feel as weird as I did then. So… we bought several pairs of shorts that were on sale for my husband. Micah didn’t really need all of them so he gave one pair to a friend. They were exactly the same height and build so it was great. For them. Not me. I’ll tell you why. Micah had a weird work schedule, working random days and third shift, so he rarely got to hang out with our group of friends. One night while we’re all hanging out I see my sweetie’s shorts walk past me. Without thinking twice my hand swoops in for a spank. HOLY CRAP! THAT’S NOT MY HUSBAND! Somehow my brain got the message to my hand just before spanking my guy friend. I screamed really loud at the realization and blurted out “I ALMOST GRABBED YOUR BUTT! I ALMOST GRABBED YOUR BUTT!” I was so mortified by what I had almost done that I was jumping up and down screaming. I felt pretty awkward about it, but I imagine it was a little higher up on the “that was uncomfortable” scale for my single guy friend.

Beth the Other Admin

(And SO many times I have almost hugged my brother-in-law, who is my husband’s clone. But I usually have the presence of mind to not scream and jump up and down)

a little lie
Apr 9th, 2010 by micah the admin

For as long as I can remember I have hated the word fiancee, so when my boyfriend and I got engaged I would never use it it just always sounded too frooffy or something and after we’d been going out so long I hated saying boyfriend because it made me feel like a little kid or something….so I got into the habit of calling him my partner which also felt weird so I eventually just started calling him my husband. I started driving lessons one day and as we were driving around I was chatting to the instructor, just small talk but I said something like ‘Oh yes my husband and I go there/went there…’ or some such thing, instead of the conversation moving on he becomes really interested in the fact I am “married” and asks me ‘oh when did you get wed?’ ….in a split second I weigh up the situation and instead of saying oh we’re not married yet I just call him that, I blurt out oh about seven noths ago(!!!!?????), does he drop it……NO. Oh where did you get married? I’m like oh emm….we got married in (aaaaahhhh what I am thinking!?) Spain, it was very small, intimate……(oh God please, PLEASE stop asking me about my imaginary wedding!!)…..then he says – What did you wear??!!! – What the hell…what did I wear!! Why is this fifty year old driving instructor asking me what I wore to my non-existant wedding??? It’s too late to go back now so I’m like oh just a lovely dress, a vintage lace dress, it was very nice….dah dah, dah. So ok, I’m rationalising this, it’s a bad situation but he’s just my driving instructor it’s not like he knows me or knows I’m a completely insane wedding fabricator!! …..but of course, what do you know….he then asks me what my boyfriend does, I tell him, he asks his name, I tell him!!!…..and LO AND BEHOLD….he says…’Oh yes, I know him, my friend So-andso goes ski-ing with him(WHY!!?? WHY!!??)….I’m fully freaking out now I’m like oh yeah? Really – wow….cool! The next week he comes and picks me up for the next lesson and starts talking about my boyfriend, his friend etc. I can’t hold out any longer with the fear of him finding out so I pull over the car and I’m like, listen William, I’ve got something to tell you….and I fess up to the whole ridiculous lie going way out of control….he is absolutely laughing his head off, he thinks this is hilarious and assures me that it’s no big deal….I on the other hand go home analysing my very psyche and tell my boyfriend who’s like….oh for God sake not again, you told the ambulance drivers when your scooter crashed(I had crashed my lovely purple vespa about five months prior) that I was your husband and when I arrived they asked me ‘Are you her husband?’ and I said ‘No I’m her boyfriend’………..people are going to start thinking you’re unstable!
Oh my goodness I swear – I *really* hope I’m not the only one who does crazy stuff like this….O_o

Tanya – Belfast

a moment with the mother-in-law
Apr 8th, 2010 by micah the admin

About five years ago my Mother-in-law was attending church with my husband and I. During the sermon she just kept going on and on about something in a not so soft wisper. Suddenly aware of all the people around us I started to become embarrassed by how much of a distraction she was causing and before I knew what I was doing I turned to her put my finger to my mouth and said “sssshhhhhhhh” I swear it was like a reflex! While she did immediately stop talking…lets just say this did not improve our relationship at the time.

Leah – SC

carded
Feb 2nd, 2010 by micah the admin

I was 22 years old and in line at the grocery store to buy beer for my husband. Just as I finished unloading my groceries a long line of customers formed behind me, because I REALLY needed an audience for this awkward moment. The cashier took my license, swiped it, and the computer beeped. “It says on you’re license that you’re not 21 until April 2005,” she loudly accused. It was true – my license had that stupid red box around my picture and red lettering that said “Underage until April 2005.” Only today’s date was November 2006. So I told her. “Um, yeah. But it’s 2006.” To which she responded in an even louder, defensive tone, “It says you’re underage until April 2005!” and thrust my license in my face. This went on for a few minutes, her voice getting louder and mine getting mousier. I could feel all eyes staring at me. If I wasn’t underage, there was still no way I was walking out of this store without shame. It finally clicked with the cashier that I wasn’t a punk kid trying to get away with something and that it was in fact 2006,but she wasn’t about to get embarrassed. Keeping the focus all on me she had me pay for my groceries with my card and my beer separately with cash. Why? I still don’t know. But I made my husband buy his beer for a very long time after that.

Liz – VT

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