back when i was a cop in the bronx
Aug 3rd, 2010 by micah the admin

I’m waiting in line at Walmart with my young baby. It’s a holiday weekend, and the place is packed. I’ve been standing there about thirty minutes, and it’s almost my turn, when the man in front of me suddenly notices my baby and strikes up a conversation. He’s massively tall, middle-aged, with long, straggly gray hair, and has glasses with what looks like a wadded up napkin behind one of the lenses. Despite his odd appearance, we’re having a nice normal conversation. My baby starts to fuss, and I mention that I really need to get him home to feed him. At this, our conversation takes a disturbing turn. He casually mentions that he used to breastfeed when he was a cop in the Bronx. I think “There is no way he said what I think he said. I must have misheard him”. He then proceeds to go on and on about his life as a cop in the Bronx, and all the terrible child abuse he’s seen, and how he was a detective and they transferred him to this area. I smile and nod politely. He is clearly out of his mind. It’s almost my turn at the register, but I pretend I forgot something and politely excuse myself. Then I go stand in another line for half an hour.

Rachel – NH

a baby is a good thing
Apr 13th, 2010 by micah the admin

My sister and I were walking through town one day and we bumped into our cousin, we don’t see her often and hadn’t seen for a few months so we were all ‘Hi! Hi! How are you?? What’s happening??’ ….she lives a bit away and is married with two kids, she says to us ‘Oh I’m pregnant again’….in a disastrous split second analysation of the situation, based on her tone of voice & body language somehow, SOMEHOW, I conclude that this is not a good thing and before my lovely sister can say congratulations….I go ‘Oh no, poor you’ with this real unfortunate face and then watch myself in an out of body experience, reach forward and rub her arm sympathetically!!!!!! Ah…hahaha….oh dear SO embarrassing, she sort of went with it and was like ‘Yeah, I know’ but what the hell…she was NOT unhappy about being pregnant or having her baby! I should not be allowed near people. O_O

Tanya – Belfast

so, how many?
Apr 5th, 2010 by beth the other admin

I was just starting to feel attractive again, seven weeks after giving birth to my son.  Today I put on an outfit that I thought was slimming and headed out to the fabric store.  I told the young man measuring out my fabric that I was going to make a baby sling.

“So, how many?” he asked, smiling interestedly.

“One and a half yards,” I replied.

“No, how many?” he asked again.

“Baby slings?” I asked confusedly.  “One.”

“No, I mean, how many?” and he patted his tummy several times to indicate he was asking me how many babies I was pregnant with.

Trying not to blush, I told him I’d already HAD a baby seven weeks ago.  He did blush (as well he might) and tried frantically to change the subject.  It was painfully awkward for both of us.  Not only had he thought I was pregnant, he thought I was having multiples!

I consoled myself with a chocolate bar and thoughts of lying in wait for him with a baseball bat after his shift ended.

Rachel – NH

he looks like a boy
Feb 13th, 2010 by micah the admin

I was at whole foods shop with my four month old baby girl. Her stroller was very girly with pink flowers on it, so I figured it was safe to dress her in a pair of jeans and a flowery turquoise sweater. Several women were pulled in by the magnetism of this cute baby and began showering me with compliments and questions. “What’s his name?” an elderly woman asked. My baby was pretty bald, so it didn’t bother me. “HER name is Rebekah,” I answered, smiling so she wouldn’t feel bad. “Well! HE’S dressed like a boy!” she said emphatically. I didn’t know how to respond to this. One of the other ladies chimed in, trying to undo her friend’s statement, pointing out the more feminine qualities in my little girl. “No, he looks like a boy, all right,” she said stubbornly. I was confused. Were we debating the sex of MY baby? Totally weirded out, I left the store.

Beth the Other Admin
when are you due?
Jan 19th, 2010 by micah the admin

Years ago, I was with my dad at a banquet. We were talking to a mom of one of my friends. I was thoroughly enjoying the conversation until my dad asked a question that one should never ask a woman unless he is already aware of her condition. He said, “When are you due? I didn’t know you were expecting!”
My friend’s mom kindly replied, “I’m not.”

Emily –  Los Angeles, CA

»  Substance:WordPress   »  Style:Ahren Ahimsa