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happy mother's day!
May 9th, 2010 by beth the other admin

My family went out for lunch at a new restaurant in town. It was Mother’s Day and the place was packed. We all treated ourselves to margaritas and were having a lovely time. But that’s when it happened. My dad (bless him) has a naturally loud voice, and when he has a drink it tends to get a bit louder. He started telling us a funny story from work where a woman said something quite shocking and awkward.   It was much more awkward when my dad practically yelled the punchline, having to do with the FEMALE ANATOMY, of all things, to us.  I do not exaggerate – the entire restaurant fell silent and people started turning around in their seats to stare at us. The place was full of little old ladies, young mothers and small children! My dad seemed to notice. He leaned forward and “whispered” to me, “Was I talking too loud?”  Happy Mother’s Day!

Andrea – CA

the chatty naked man
Apr 16th, 2010 by beth the other admin

I am a video editor and my job sometime requires me to work on location.  A few weeks back, I was working on site at a country club in Palm Desert, CA.  It had been a long day, and I was preparing to wrap things up so I could head home.  I made a quick stop into the men’s restroom which was connected to the Country Club’s locker room.  When I swung the door open, I was shocked to see a semi-short, pot bellied man in his late 50s standing in the middle of the room completely naked! I told myself, “Hey, it’s a locker room, it’s normal” and I proceded to walk towards the toilet stalls. As I passed him, I for some reason felt the need to be polite and said hello.  Big mistake!

The guy took my greeting as an invitation that I wanted to talk. (I didn’t)  He proceeded to tell me stories about back in the day when he was a driver in Hollywood. (I didn’t really care) He told me how he made great money back then, but you can’t make money like that any more… all the while, he was moving closer and closer to me until he was a couple of feet away from me, and all the while he was completely naked (well, not completely… I’m pretty sure he was wearing sox and tennis shoes for some reason).

Needless to say, it was really awkward!

Michael – CA

separate checks
Apr 16th, 2010 by beth the other admin

My sister had just gone through a traumatic experience and recently come home after being away for a few months. My husband and I wanted to spend some quality time with her. Talk things over, tell her we loved her, stuff like that. We invited only two of our closest friends to join us. We all met at my parents house so we wouldn’t run the risk of running into our other friends and offending them by not having invited them.  Well, one of our not-so-close friends, “Lydia,” must have heard my sister was in town and dropped by to see her. She wasn’t someone we saw regularly, and although we liked her just fine, I  groaned and wondered how the heck we were going to avoid a tag-a-long. We kept quiet about our lunch date, but Lydia asked my sister what we were up to and there it went. Lydia excitedly invited herself (or rather pushed my sister to invite her) to come with us.  “Well, OK,” I thought. “A lot of effort for nothing, but it’s better not to hurt her feelings.” And we really were broke back then, so we couldn’t afford to do another lunch date for awhile.  Oh well. So we go out to eat, the six of us now, not able to have the heart-to-heart we wanted to have.

Then the waitress comes back with the check.  “Will that be separate checks?” We were paying for my sister and one of the two close friends. That was already understood before we left.  Lydia looks at us helplessly.  “Don’t you have money” someone asks. “Yes. I have money.” Good. “Ok, so not a problem.” Wrong. “I only have a debit card.” Uh… “So you do have money in your account, right?” Did she want a freebie or what? I had no idea. “Yeah,” she replies, with a tone of exasperation. “But I only have a debit card!” This went back and forth for a little while, till we were all so uncomfortable that my husband finally decided it would be easiest if he paid for her and avoided ever going out to eat with her again. She had a full-time job, no rent, no car insurance or other bills to worry about. We were broke.  So weird. And awkward. Ugh.

This happened one more time, but not to us. But we were there. Still awkward.

Beth the Other Admin

napoleon who?
Apr 14th, 2010 by micah the admin

The first time I ever went trick-or-treating was the second year of our marriage. I was so excited. Beth dressed up in an Indian Sari and was beautiful. We also had a girl we babysat who was dressed as a very cute little pirate. I decided that I would be Napoleon Dynamite from the incredibly popular indie film. I thought it was popular. I put on tight tapered jeans, a baggy purple shirt with a neon dolphin, moon boots, a fanny pack, thick Coke-bottle glasses, a digital watch and had my hair gelled up into a curly fro. I looked like Napoleon Dynamite. We were happy and set to go. The three of us piled into our car and began going house to house. I realized after one house that some people hadn’t seen the movie. After two or three houses I began to understand that NO ONE in New Hampshire had seen the movie. Then I started to think about how creepy I must look – like the guy you’d never want to sit beside on a bus. I got weird look after weird look and didn’t even try to explain what I was. I just accepted the fact that people would be slightly disgusted and happy that my wife and our little pirate got smiles and candy. The night eventually ended.

Micah the Admin

devil child
Apr 7th, 2010 by beth the other admin

When I was about eight or nine I went to a birthday party at a friends house, we did all the birthday stuff and then her mum announced it was movie time, we all piled into the lounge room and she put on Home Alone, I’d watched it already with my parents and we all had a great laugh at it(it was a really funny movie at the time!) so we all sit watching the movie and her mum is in the room watching it with us(while she’s doing her ironing?!) the bit comes to when Macauley has rigged up all the traps and the criminals are getting slapped all over the place, so I start laughing at the guy who has an iron fall on his face(it’s a comedy!!) and suddenly my friends mum goes crazy, she starts shouting at me..’Do you think that’s funny? Do you?? DO YOU!???! You think someone getting an iron smashed in their face is funny?? What sort of a child are you, I don’t know how your parents raised you but laughing at something like that, it’s disgusting, I can’t believe it’…all the other kids are staring at me like I’m the devil, I feel like him as my face is so hot and red from embarassment and THEN we all have to continue watching the movie in silence, she doesn’t turn it off or anything or express resentment at the movie makers…just me. DEVIL CHILD! O_o

Tanya –  Belfast

the restaurant
Apr 5th, 2010 by beth the other admin

Years ago, I went out to eat with my parents, my husband, brother-in-law and sister. I don’t remember the occasion, but the experience is forever branded in my mind.  The waitress came to our table and did her schpeal about the lunch special and “what would we like to drink?”  One of her “flair” pieces was a pink ribbon. My dad noticed this and started talking about cancer in general.  Always one to make a point to be politically incorrect my dad said jokingly, “Well, some people just have it coming.” A funny expression crossed the waitress’s face and she told us that her aunt had just died of breast cancer. Not to mention the fact that my brother-in-law’s father had just died of cancer earlier that year, after a long and terrible ordeal. Oh, Dad.

Liz – VT

the bag of hair
Feb 10th, 2010 by micah the admin

Several months after 9/11 I was in the Atlanta airport. I was “randomly selected” to have my bags extra searched. I guess I looked a little like a terrorist. To add to this luck, the two people assigned to search my bags were women [Insert the obvious stereotypes of women cops here]. My bags were over-stuffed, and the zippers were bulging. I cringed as they took things out of their crammed locations knowing that they would never get it all back in. I thought for sure that I had nothing bad in there, but I didn’t account for culture differences. One lady pulled out my nag champa incense and asked what is was with incredible attitude. I explained that it smelled good, and she confiscated it. She found matches and took them. She found laundry detergent and took it. Our friendship was on the fritz. Then it happened. She pulled out a small ziploc and my heart sunk. It was full of my recently chopped off hair and affectionately labeled “Junior”. She looked at me like I was the filthiest criminal to ever live and with much more attitude and confusion than before she loudly asked, “What is this?” I tried weakly to explain why it was funny to me and my friends. She let me keep it. I didn’t recover my dignity.

Micah the Admin

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