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i lost the company car
Jul 27th, 2010 by micah the admin

A couple years ago, I worked at a group home for the severely mentally ill. It was a great job, but I had to juggle so many duties that I sometimes forgot little things, like where I left the company car.

My shift was three days and two nights. On the second evening, I drove the car to a nearby pharmacy to pick up meds for a patient. I remembered the meds, but unfortunately I forgot the car. I walked the two blocks back to the group home, in a romance-induced haze as I talked to my boyfriend on my cellphone.

The next morning, I woke up and noticed that there were no cars in the driveway. Was the car stolen in the night? I called my boss in a panic. She, in turn, called her boss, who called the police. A few hours passed, in which we all felt terrible about being robbed. Then one of my coworkers happened to drive past the pharmacy and saw the car in the parking lot, right where I’d left it. She called my boss, who called me. She was so relieved that we’d found the vehicle. In the middle of our conversation, I suddenly realized that I was the one who left it there, and blurted it out!

Fortunately, very fortunately, she had a sense of humor, and I was only mildly chastised for my spaciness.

an unexpected picture message
Jul 14th, 2010 by micah the admin

I received a picture message from an unknown number today. I recognized the area code and thought maybe it was my sister or brother-in-law sending me a picture of their new baby. I wasn’t sure if I had their new number in my phone. This is the picture that I received.

It was some random guy trying to impress Sharry.  I sent him a picture of me making a weird face, and told him he had the wrong number. :o) Always check the number before sending a shirtless cool picture of yourself, man. On second thought, don’t send pictures like this. It isn’t cool.

Micah the Admin

i thought it was funny
Jul 14th, 2010 by micah the admin

I worked in a drug rehab with teenagers. Most of their joking was juvenile and perverse, but one day a patient told me a joke that was actually funny. I laughed so hard and couldn’t wait to tell my wife. I forgot about it for several hours until we were at a dinner party with about twenty people. Most of these people I knew but not all. After we ate everyone was sitting around kind of quietly in the living room. I decided to liven up the party with a couple jokes, so I told the one the patient had taught me earlier. The room went silent.

One friend spoke up with a gasp, “Micah?!”

“What?” I replied.

“Do you not realize what that…”

“Umm… does it… oh no!” I trailed off and tried to play it off by talking to my wife about it. I was innocent – not realizing it was a REALLY dirty joke. The problem is that the joke had already been told.

Micah the Admin

the bathroom bully
Jul 6th, 2010 by micah the admin

To give some background, this story goes back to the early 70’s, when I was in elementary school.  At that time, the government subsidized a part of the public school lunches, which meant that each student had to pay less to buy his lunch. Because of that, the price for lunches was only $.60 and the small ½ pint cartons of milk were reduced to 4 cents each.  So, every day I went to school with my bag lunch and 4 cents in my pocket.

Another thing to know is that the boys’ bathroom had no doors on the stalls, just walls.  So, you always ran the risk that someone would catch you in the middle of you doing your “business”.

So, one day I was in the bathroom minding my own “business”.  All of a sudden, who should burst into the bathroom but the school bully.  Seeing me sitting there, he pulls out a knife and says, “Gimme your money!”  I replied, “Well, all I’ve got is four cents to buy milk.  Do you want that?”  Looking a bit disappointed, he said, “Nah, that’s alright.”

Then, he starts bragging as he pulls out all the change that he got from a number of other students.  He goes on telling me how much he got from whom and what he was going to do with the money.  Meanwhile, I’m just sitting there on the pot, listening to him, not feeling all that comfortable in doing what I originally purposed to do now in front of him.

Finally, feeling satisfied with sharing about his accomplishments, the bully left.  Even though I was relieved, I sat there a bit stunned for a few moments.  Then it came to me – “Oh yeah.  I gotta relieve myself.”  I finished my business and went back to class.

Joseph – DC

apples to apples
May 23rd, 2010 by micah the admin

Picture this, its Thanksgiving, the whole family is there. So after having a few hours of visiting eating and thanking the Lord for the blessings He has given us, we break out the game of apples to apples. This is my first time to play the game even though I’m 19.  We’ve been playing for a while (everyone from my little sister who is 10 to my grandmother who is in her late 70s) when  it gets to my turn, and I have the word “busy”.  So I start getting cards like, “homework”, “school”, “chores”, “work” and so on (about 15 people are playing this game). Then I read one and it says “honeymoon” I must have gotten a strange look on my face because my best friend just starts laughing. Then it dawns on me, and I kinda threw the card down and went “oh! no no no”. At this point all the adults are laughing at my reaction/the card. My little sister asking my mom for an explanation (which she does not get by the way). After choosing from one of the other cards, everyone is just so curious, so I ask “who put that?” Turns out it was my Grandmother!
I’m pretty sure I was bright red for about 5 minutes. But its nothing I will forget anytime soon.

Rachel – Somewhere

your dad is in the hospital
May 17th, 2010 by micah the admin

happy mother's day!
May 9th, 2010 by beth the other admin

My family went out for lunch at a new restaurant in town. It was Mother’s Day and the place was packed. We all treated ourselves to margaritas and were having a lovely time. But that’s when it happened. My dad (bless him) has a naturally loud voice, and when he has a drink it tends to get a bit louder. He started telling us a funny story from work where a woman said something quite shocking and awkward.   It was much more awkward when my dad practically yelled the punchline, having to do with the FEMALE ANATOMY, of all things, to us.  I do not exaggerate – the entire restaurant fell silent and people started turning around in their seats to stare at us. The place was full of little old ladies, young mothers and small children! My dad seemed to notice. He leaned forward and “whispered” to me, “Was I talking too loud?”  Happy Mother’s Day!

Andrea – CA

a "special" christmas dinner
Apr 25th, 2010 by micah the admin

Several years ago my family and I had the most awkward Christmas dinner. It was the year that my grandparents decided they would treat us all to a special dinner at one of their favorite restaurants.
When we arrived at the restaurant, it was packed. Completely busy, but we weren’t worried. My grandpa had made a very special reservation several days prior to have a private room for the whole family to dine in. Our confidence in the reservation was short lived as we found out the staff had made a mistake and had already given the room to another party. So instead of our nice private room, they put a bunch of tables together and stuck us in the bar. Fabulous.
So after an hour or so passes, we get our meals and we’re eating and enjoying our time. Suddenly, an old man, who was sitting in the booth behind us, falls out of his seat onto my brother, passed out. Now, the old man is on the ground, not breathing and his wife is hysterically crying (which also made my cousin cry). My aunt decides this guy needs some sort of help (he was choking) and so she socks him in the stomach! A nurse, who was sitting at the bar, yells at my aunt, runs over, pushes her out of the way and starts doing CPR and the Heilmlich maneuver. Next thing I know, paramedics rush past me, revive the old man, and roll him out on a gurney…all while we’re eating dinner.
That was enough drama for Christmas dinner, right? Probably not.  As we’re all trying to calm each other down and get back to enjoying dinner, the restaurant keeps getting more and more crowded by the minute. Apparently there was no more room to sit in the waiting area, so this strange old man decides to sit down right next to me on the booth/bench thing I was on. I was totally creeped out..and for a long time none of my family even noticed this old man sitting right next to me at our table. Finally, my grandpa saw the guy and says to him, ” I don’t think you’ve met my granddaughter, her name is Emily.” It was totally awkward. After awhile, the man left and I thought that had to be the end of our crazy night. Nope.
There were crowds and crowds of people waiting to eat. What made it worse was that the service was completely slow. My cousin didn’t even get her meal until everyone else was eating dessert. Anywho, as my family was trying to finish up dinner and dessert, an angry old man starts pacing throughout the restaurant, yelling at each table, “YOU EAT AND YOU LEAVE!” We loved that. What a merry Christmas!

Emily – CA

almost lovers
Apr 25th, 2010 by micah the admin

I remember reluctantly going early to help prepare my great-uncle’s house for his 80something birthday last summer. There was this gorgeous girl helping with the food. I figured she was around my age and I wanted to “talk” to her and possibly get her number. My trip might end up not being a total waste, I thought. She was around my aunt a lot and the way they were talking it was like my aunt raised her or something but I was sure she wasn’t her child. Anyways, this girl was really good-looking, no joke, so I finally see her alone and I muster up the courage to go talk to her. And so it went …
Me: “Hey”
Her: “Hey ”
… long awkward pause
Me: *I point to my aunt* “Do you know Aunt Flo?”
Her: “She’s my aunt”
Me: “oh … that’s cool” … another awkward pause … “I guess that makes us cousins”
Her: [with a rather sarcastic smile] “Yep”
I die a little inside, make up some lame excuse about something I have to do and quickly walk away.  I tried my best to not be seen by her the rest of the day.

Frank – Earth

where's hong kong?
Apr 21st, 2010 by micah the admin

A few years ago my family was in Hong Kong. We had taken the metro from one side of town to the other, on our way to the mall. We were told that once we got off the metro we were to look for Hong Kong Station, go up an escalator, and then we’d be at the mall. We had been walking for a while with no luck. So I decided to ask for directions. I went up to a lady who worked there and said, ‘Excuse me, where’s Hong Kong?” She tried to keep a straight face, and my family started laughing at me. I quickly continued, “Station! Where’s Hong Kong Station!”
I felt like a complete idiot and my family teased me the whole day. But, we did find Hong Kong Station!

Amelia – Brazil

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