skinny dipping at mom's
Apr 12th, 2010 by micah the admin

My in-laws appear to be very reserved people and quite frankly they intimidate me. When my husband suggested last August that we skinny dip in broad daylight in the river behind his parents’ house, I was horrified. Their driveway winds past one of the bends in the river and I knew they could drive past at any moment. I wasn’t about to let them see my bare backside on our family vacation. However, after my husband stripped down, I finally consented on one condition: we walk upstream to a more secluded area. He agreed and instead of donning his clothes for the hike like I assumed he would, he began strolling along the river bank buck naked with nothing but his river shoes on.
I followed him a safe 200 yards behind, hoping I could at least feign ignorance, forgetting I was carrying his clothes under my arm. We were almost safe around the river bend when I heard the sound that echoes terror in my mind to this day: a honking car horn. I whirled around to see my in-laws, who had paused in their driveway to wave at their wayward offspring. I stood there, dumbfounded, holding my husband’s clothes, and could not even bring myself to wave and possibly distract them from seeing their flasher son in the distance.
After about a thousand suns rose and set, they drove on, having had their fill. I prayed with all that was in me that my husband had made it around the bend in the creek. To my horror, my husband was still standing there, sun gleaming off his winter white body. He told me his only response to his parents was to wave proudly over his shoulder as his strolled on! To make matters worse, he still wanted to swim. He figured the worst was over, his parents saw him. So he continued up the creek to the “abandoned” foreclosed home next door to skinny dip in the former neighbor’s share of their creek. Not a minute later I see him running full tilt toward me, naked as a jaybird, a look of glee and shock on his face. “There have realtors there! They’re showing the house!”
It was one of the most awkward moments of my life facing his parents that night at dinner. Thankfully, they laughed it off. I would have thought we’d be ex-communicated! Next time my husband asks me to skinny dip, I’m waiting for twelve o’clock midnight.

Brittany – Somewhere

never eat a girl's 5,4,3,2,1
Apr 12th, 2010 by micah the admin

When I was about six or seven I had a really good friend who lived across the street, he was the same age as me and had an older sister, about ten or eleven who really didn’t like me AT ALL. He was really sweet and always giving me flowers and gifts and things. One day we were playing in his back garden, his mum was there, his granny, a few family friends, his sister and us, he was like ‘I’m gonna get you something to eat’ it was a real sunny day and I wasn’t even hungry but he went into the kitchen and came back with a biscuit(they don’t make them anymore but they were called 5,4,3,2,1’s and they were like a wafer covered in chocolate with toffee inside. I didn’t even want it but he was pressing me to eat it so I scoffed it and was sitting there with melted chocolate on my fingers and the incriminating wrapper beside me on the grass when his sister came out of the kitchen, she let out this HUGE gasp, I mean like you would have thought someone had just sucker punched her and started hyperventilating, LITERALLY HYPERVENTILATING and started maniacally tearing at her hair, he and I were looking at her like, what the hell is wrong with her?! Then she started uncontrollably sobbing and screaming at the top of her voice….’She ate my 5,4,3,2,1,SHE ATE MY 5,4,3,2,1, SHE ATE MY 5,4,3,2,1!!!!!! AAAAAHHH MY 5,4,3,2,1!!!!!’ Her granny had to take her on her knee and rock her back and forth while she sobbed and screamed, while I was sitting there like some little scoff monster, with all the adults loudly whispering ‘What happened??’ ‘Oh she ate her 5,4,3,2,1’ and I didn’t even want the flipping 5,4,3,2,1 in the first place. Grrr. O_o

Tanya – Belfast

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