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the most embarrassing cup of coffee
Apr 5th, 2010 by beth the other admin

I had met my husband for a cup of coffee on my lunch break. We decided to sit outside because it was such a beautiful day. My husband bought the coffees and I quickly went to the bathroom. This particular coffee house was incredibly long from front to back and the bathrooms were in the back. I came out of the bathroom and walked the full length of this store. I proceeded outside and set in a metal chair next to my husband. As soon as I set down I felt the metal frame of the chair directly on my backside! Oh no!! I had tucked my skirt into my panties and didn’t realize it until I set on the metal chair. I had walked the full length of that coffee house which by the way was full of people with my backside showing! No one said a word to me…we left promptly:( Awkward!!!

Jan – NM

so, how many?
Apr 5th, 2010 by beth the other admin

I was just starting to feel attractive again, seven weeks after giving birth to my son.  Today I put on an outfit that I thought was slimming and headed out to the fabric store.  I told the young man measuring out my fabric that I was going to make a baby sling.

“So, how many?” he asked, smiling interestedly.

“One and a half yards,” I replied.

“No, how many?” he asked again.

“Baby slings?” I asked confusedly.  “One.”

“No, I mean, how many?” and he patted his tummy several times to indicate he was asking me how many babies I was pregnant with.

Trying not to blush, I told him I’d already HAD a baby seven weeks ago.  He did blush (as well he might) and tried frantically to change the subject.  It was painfully awkward for both of us.  Not only had he thought I was pregnant, he thought I was having multiples!

I consoled myself with a chocolate bar and thoughts of lying in wait for him with a baseball bat after his shift ended.

Rachel – NH

i've picked up a prostitute!
Apr 5th, 2010 by micah the admin

I was working the late shift at a restaurant in Longmont, Colorado for a time.  One night, as I drove home from work, I observed a young woman standing by the road with her thumb up.  I make it a habit to pick up hitch hikers when I get the chance because I have been helped with a ride plenty of times myself.  Besides, it was near midnight and Longmont didn’t seem like a safe place for a young lady to be hitching at this time of night.  Safer with me than some creeper I thought.  Upon pulling over, the girl jumped into my truck, plopping down on the bench next to me.  As I pulled away she promptly asked me…….”Do you party?”  This wasn’t the usual “how far ya going?” I was used to, but, being a country boy from the sticks, I have seen my share of parties, so I replied,”… sometimes.”  I confess, I was quite naive at the time so I was a little surprised by what she said next.  “How much money do you have?”  My mind raced while I tried to decide if I was to be robbed or invited to a rave.  “Not much” I answered.  “I can work with anything you got”  She quipped.  Panic gripped me.  My God, I thought, I’ve picked up a prostitute!  I had to escape.  “I have a girlfriend” I lied.  She gave me a disgusted look.  “Sorry” (awkward silence)  “So, where am I taking you?”  “Here’s fine,” she said, so I pulled over and out she jumped.  I still get a kick out of seeing peoples faces when I tell them I picked up a prostitute once.  At least it was good for that.

Mark – NH

i'm not really a jerk
Apr 5th, 2010 by micah the admin

For a while I was “giving” plasma on a regular basis. They “gave” me a monetary compensation for my generosity. In case that wasn’t subtle enough insert a wink wink. This was my only source of spending cash while we were in school so it was pretty important to me. One day I went up with a friend to donate, but I was taken into another room. This less than professional phlebotomist told me that I could no longer donate. My liver enzymes were elevated which meant I either had Hepatitis, over-exercised, drank too much or took too much herbal medicine. Yeah. Not me. They couldn’t have been bothered with calling me to save me the drive and slight embarrassment. I went to sit in the lobby and wait for my friend to be finished.

I decided to feel sorry for myself, so I got out my laptop, put my headphones in and started listening to some good emo music. About two sappy songs in an angry employee walked over to me. She looked like she wanted to hit me. I was confused. She said with the attitude of three thirteen year-old girls, “Sir, can you turn that down?!”

“What?” Oh! I realized that the headphones were plugged into the microphone slot. Why hadn’t anyone told me? I quickly apologized and tried to explain that it was a mistake. She cut me off with another disgustedly angry look and walked away leaving me to feel like the accidental jerk that I so often turn into.

Micah the Admin

i want to paint!
Apr 5th, 2010 by micah the admin

When I was 22 I went on my first foreign mission’s trip to the beautiful land of Brasil. While there we did several things to help in the different communities and with the local churches. We had been there for about 3 weeks and I was impressing everyone with the way I was quickly picking up the language! One day we had the opportunity to go to a local school and do some cleaning up and painting…

After we spent the morning cleaning it was lunch time. I was sitting at a table with friends and my “host dad” practicing my Portuguese when I decided to say in perfect Portuguese, I paint. My host dad said very good! So being extremely proud of myself I leaned over to my friend to find out how to say “want” distracted he told me and I said very loudly and with great pride and a huge smile “I want to paint”

Silence

then the entire room, who was made up of mostly men from the CHURCH began to laugh hysterically… I realized that what I said didn’t come out right, but really why was the PASTOR on the floor laughing with tears streaming down his face? I looked to my Brazilian friend Paulo who’s face was somewhat shocked, trying not to laugh, saying no,no Paula!

After several minutes, with no end of the laughing in site Paulo’s fiance, and my dearest friend Greta, pulled me outside and said Paula do you know what you said? Yes… I want to paint! No she responded you just said I want a penis!

Shocked and shaking my head no, I said I don’t want a penis, I just want to paint! Needless to say I had other slip ups on that trip and others but that by far has been the most embarrassing one!

Paula – TX

the restaurant
Apr 5th, 2010 by beth the other admin

Years ago, I went out to eat with my parents, my husband, brother-in-law and sister. I don’t remember the occasion, but the experience is forever branded in my mind.  The waitress came to our table and did her schpeal about the lunch special and “what would we like to drink?”  One of her “flair” pieces was a pink ribbon. My dad noticed this and started talking about cancer in general.  Always one to make a point to be politically incorrect my dad said jokingly, “Well, some people just have it coming.” A funny expression crossed the waitress’s face and she told us that her aunt had just died of breast cancer. Not to mention the fact that my brother-in-law’s father had just died of cancer earlier that year, after a long and terrible ordeal. Oh, Dad.

Liz – VT

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