junior high is awesome…
Jan 18th, 2010 by micah the admin

This story is when I was about 12 years old and in the 6th grade.

One night I had spent the night at my friends house.I had a crush on her brother so it makes this story even more traumatic. When we woke up in morning I had to pee VERY bad. This family only had one bathroom and it was occupied. I tried to hold it but could not and peed my pants. I was in their CARPETED dining room. To make matters worse as soon as it happened their little bitty dog came over and started to lick my leg. I had to ride my bike home with pee all over me.
Junior High is AWESOME.

Vania – TX

phonetics flop
Jan 18th, 2010 by micah the admin

Once when I was in a phonetics class at an intensive Spanish training program, the instructor asked everyone to think of a word in Spanish with a long u (ooo) sound. When it got to be my turn, I blurted out the word “gula.” I don’t know why that word came to mind, as I had no idea what it meant. I must have heard it or read it in an article at some point and merely forgotten its meaning. I do remember I said it slow and drawn-out like, though, and I remember thinking I sounded weird as I said it. I also remember the horrified look the instructor gave me when I said it and how she just went on to the next person without commenting. Later when I got to my room I looked up the word and was horrified to find out that it meant “gluttony.” The instructor just happened to be an extremely rotund woman, which explained her horrified reaction to my example. I never went back to the phonetics class (it was an extra-curricular optional activity) and I avoided the instructor from then on.

Lauren – Somewhere

weirdo resolutions
Jan 18th, 2010 by micah the admin

It was the worst day of my life, at the worst point in my life.  I was working with severely mentally ill men for a living and dealing with an autistic man who was semi-stalking me and an ex-husband who was threatening me.  It seemed there was nowhere I could go to get away from weirdos.  I surmised that these problems were largely due to my being “too nice”, and resolved to henceforth be cold to all men who struck me as “sketchy”.

I was in my car in the bank drive-through when I realized I had overdrawn my checking account by twelve dollars.  My car was almost out of gas, I was running late for work, and I had tummy trouble.  While the bank teller was helping me figure out my error, an extremely odd-looking man across the street caught my eye and started loping toward me.  He was big and tall with dark hair, pale skin and a creepy, slightly daft grin.  “Oh no, not another one,” I thought, and remembered my resolution.  I glared at him and pointedly locked my doors as he approached.  He kept coming.  I rolled up my windows.  He came right up to my window and rapped on the glass.

“Go… away…” I said fiercely through gritted teeth.

He smiled kindly and informed me that my front tire was completely flat and unsafe to drive on.  I pretended I hadn’t just told him to get lost, turned to sweetness and light, and thanked him profusely.  Then I drove home, resolving never to resolve anything again.


Rachel – NH

don't take too many!
Jan 18th, 2010 by micah the admin

This unfolded at a high school trades school in South Carolina. A pretty good friend of mine had recently tried to harm herself with taking too many pills. She survived the attempt. A week or so goes by and me and my friend were hanging out in a break period between classes. She was complaining of a severe headache. A little context – we are in pre-nursing classes. So I’m thinking medication safety. I put my huge metatarsals in my la boca… translation… foot in mouth. I truly didn’t mean to say what I was about to say. Sincerely, I said, “Take a tylenol, but don’t take too many.” Her face turned bright red. She turned away from me, and to this day I have not talked with her. I could have killed myself… I mean. Nah… I really regret losing a good friend.

Nat Hans – TX

the result was positive
Jan 18th, 2010 by micah the admin

Walking into a executive building at 17 years old, only for the purpose of wandering the halls to look for the office that does the free pregnancy tests is awkward enough in itself. After finding the office and meeting with the nice counselor, I was sent to the ladies room to get a “sample.” Since the ladies room was downstairs I had to go back out of the office, into the hallway and then down the large spiral staircase which was located in the center of the building, the one that everyone used. Carrying my clear plastic cup was easier to conceal than it would be coming back up. Exiting the restroom, starting back up the stairs, there was no hiding the see-through 6 oz. cup of liquid which loudly indicated dehydration. It was at least 3/4 full. The worst part came about 15 seconds later and I am pretty sure it happened in slow motion. That’s how I remember it anyway. As I began to lose balance, I panicked at the thought of spilling some of the contents. In trying to balance the cup, I lost further control of not only myself but also the cup which flew into the air and eventually landed.  I am sure the counselor thought that I must have left since it took me several trips to the bathroom, realizing that I still needed more brown paper towels. Avoiding eye contact with anyone, I finished cleaning and carried my empty cup back into the office. After explaining to her what happened, she took the empty cup from me, looked inside it and responded cheerfully, “Oh this will be enough. We only need a drop.”

Cally – Texas

don't step on the toilet seat
Jan 18th, 2010 by micah the admin


a needed suggestion


skinny dipping
Jan 18th, 2010 by micah the admin

When I was a preteen I went skinny dipping with my older sister and a friend at the PUBLIC town boat dock in broad daylight.  I felt safe as I was clutching my suit and a floating inner tube figuring that if anyone came I could slip into my suit without anyone being the wiser.  A boat approached us and slowed as if to pull up to the dock.  No problem, I’ll just duck into the tube and slip into my suit, I thought.  Hmmm, I’d never tried to put on a wet suit with one arm before.  It was an impossible task and the boat was drawing closer and closer.  I shot out of the water and up the bank to hid behind some trees where I finally got that dang suit on but not before they saw my white tush streak up the bank I’m sure!

I don’t think I’ve ever heard the end of that one and my skinny dipping days were over before they really even began.  The boat wasn’t even stopping to dock, they had only slowed because they saw swimmers.  Oh, my aching pride.

Kate – NH

»  Substance:WordPress   »  Style:Ahren Ahimsa